You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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