he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize