If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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