There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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