Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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