after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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