Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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