Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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