butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
did i just pee glitter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize