I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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