Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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