I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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