i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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