I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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