Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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