omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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