wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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