Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize