I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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