I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize