the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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