Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize