oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and she was petting her beer can
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
