I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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