just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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