those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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