dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize