Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's blow job season.
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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