i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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