Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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