god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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