my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize