ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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