Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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