My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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