he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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