He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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