Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize