I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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