She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize