Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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