I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize