Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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