the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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