i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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