I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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