and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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