Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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