I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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