1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize