Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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